Category Archives: Living Life

(Above: Untitled by Jean Michel Basquiat)

Routine is comfortable. Developing a consistent routine allows one to seemingly minimize unexpected events and safeguard against discomfort or problematic situations. This approach seems efficient, economical, and safe. The risks are mitigated as one is able to remain within one’s now well-established comfort zone.

The problem with this seemingly innocuous approach, however, is that is prohibits growth. By taking careful steps to minimize the potential for risk, one is minimizing the potential for the unexpected. The unexpected and risk are synonymous, where the only thing that distinguishes the two is one’s mindset. Risk possesses a negative connotation. It is associated with substantial loss–whether monetary, time-oriented, or otherwise–and is seen as a step backwards from one’s goal. The unexpected, while it can still be perceived as negative, should be regarded as quite the opposite. Unexpected events are spontaneous. Most of these events are nonfatal and can actually provide a wonderful opportunity to grow. It is important to remain open to such events rather than trying to mitigate the probability of them occurring, for this will most likely only lead to stagnation.

Routine can certainly be a positive thing. It becomes dangerous when one is unable to deviate from his or her routine when needed. There is certainly an important distinction to be highlighted here. Person A may develop a rather rigid routine but is able to stay consistent and significantly control the probability of any potentially unforeseen setbacks. This rigidity allows Person A to remain comfortable yet stagnant. Person B also has a consistent routine, but when he feels stagnation creeping in, he readily alters his routine, or briefly abandons it altogether, in order to keep life exciting and to preserve a healthy sense of spontaneity. When an unexpected event occurs, Person B celebrates it as an opportunity to learn and grow, whereas Person A is left feeling flustered and hopeless, as he is unable to deviate from his routine in the slightest. In this instance, as in regard to life as a whole, balance is key.

Perhaps it is rather confusing that I have not yet mentioned cognitive dissonance, but I promise that this is all connected.

I believe that a rigid routine is a breeding ground for the limitations of cognitive dissonance. This mental state of mind occurs when one wants to do something that another part of herself feels is abnormal or not okay. There is an internal battle that results. Usually, such a feeling occurs when an urge or behavior contradicts one’s previous beliefs or actions. This is where routine becomes dangerous. When one possesses a strict routine, any unexpected event or other occurrence that may require a deviation from this routine is a major stressor. One will likely lack the necessary mental strength to deal with such events because of the extreme discomfort felt as a result of novelty.

I have certainly struggled with this concept. Routine need not be work or action-related. One can just as easily develop a mental routine. This is arguably more common. Humans are social creatures. We possess an evolutionary urge to find a tribe and thus tend to compartmentalize ourselves in order to fit in these certain specific tribes. In high school, for instance, there tends to be those enjoy band and theatre, those who enjoy sports, those who enjoy drugs on the weekends, and those who are primarily focused on their studies. This is certainly an over-generalization, and now more than ever before, it is increasingly acceptable to straddle different groups, not having to define oneself according to a single stereotype. Nevertheless, high school provides an easy example of the modern tribalistic mentality.

I always wanted to identify with the group of school-oriented students. Thus, I experienced strong cognitive dissonance whenever I was presented with an opportunity that contradicted this rather rigid self-identity. Any party or kickback or social event was off-limits because I considered these as unexpected events–ones which did not align with my self-designated compartment. I had developed a strict mental routine that prohibited me from growing and learning in ways that did involve grades and assignments. Cognitive dissonance prevented me from exploring the other parts of myself. It was simply too uncomfortable and even guilt-provoking to do something that deviated from the “bookworm mentality.” Such a deviation would threaten my very comfortable routine and force me to step outside of my well-established comfort zone.

Well, after maturing a little and after lots and lots of therapy, it became easier to accept the multiple facets of my personality and to appreciates the diversity in other individuals as well. It is important to remember the phrase: both can be true. One can appreciate Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and J. Cole. One can admire the beauty in the art of Caravaggio and Basquiat. One can smoke the occasional joint while also maintaining impeccable grades. One can be the valedictorian but still allow himself to enjoy South Park whenever he feels like it. You can be a good student and attend parties. Both can be true. 

Things are often not mutually exclusive. It took me quite a while to realize this. While I still certainly experience cognitive dissonance on occasion, it is not nearly as crippling nor prohibitive as it once was. A rigid routine enables cognitive dissonance to prevent learning opportunities. It can certainly be a good thing indeed (both can be true)! But more often than not, this universal fear of challenging the traditional perception of oneself is really what is holding back any potential advancements.

So, while routine can be beneficial, please don’t hesitate to deviate from it every now and then. Please don’t fear novelty or the unfamiliar, for this is where growth occurs. And most importantly, please don’t limit yourself to a single rigid perception. Instead, embrace the multifaceted being that you are. No matter how bizarre your conglomeration of beliefs, interests, and values may seem, I assure you that it is the primary source of your impeccable beauty.

In Tim Ferriss’s book, The Four Hour Workweek, he states that sadness is not the opposite of happiness. Instead, the opposite of happiness is something that plagues too many people: boredom.

Tim’s argument is truly compelling and indeed true. Sadness is a necessary and helpful human emotion and thus benefits one’s life. Humans need sadness as a form of catharsis, a means of connection, a powerful method of reflection, a way to ground oneself, and as a vessel by which to express other emotions such as love. Happiness cannot occur without sadness. It makes sense, then, when Tim states how happiness and sadness are not opposites.

Boredom, in contrast, is utterly unhelpful. There are no benefits one can reasonably obtain as a result of boredom. Sam Harris defines boredom as a lack of attention. This definition may seem rather simplistic, but it is incredibly profound. Boredom, the ultimate source of discontent, results from one’s inability to pay attention. The human mind craves constant stimulation. Humans need this stimulation to escape the dreaded fear of becoming “unhappy”. In reality, however, we are subconsciously escaping boredom.

This is why society praises being “busy” all of the time. When one is busy, one does not have a reason to be bored. How toxic a trend! The fact that humans are afraid to be still due to the fear of a potential bout of boredom is saddening. I have been there, and still experience such feelings today. I have recently developed the belief, however, that boredom is an unacceptable emotion. When it hits, I know that I am not being present enough nor am I taking advantage of all the opportunities available.

This epiphany, of boredom being unacceptable, occurred after listening to Joe Rogan on his amazing podcast. On one particular episode, he had Sam Harris and Dan Harris on. They talked about several different topics, but one statement that really grabbed my attention was the fact that a recent survey asked various people if they would rather be alone with their thoughts or receive an electric shock. An alarming percentage of the participants chose the latter! I believe that this relates back to the fear of boredom. Sam went on to describe that when one feels bored, if one were to simply observe this emotion and grow curious about it, the boredom is instantly eliminated. Because this dangerous feeling results from a lack of attention, directing all of one’s attention to the feeling itself strips it of its power. Sam explained this so effortlessly, resulting in my drastic change in attitude.

I believe that the practice of meditation has been shown to be so effective because of the above reasoning. Meditation is simply the act of noticing. One can focus their attention on the breath, on the sounds of nature, on the body, or even on discomfort or pain. What the mind focuses on does not matter. What is truly important is the fact that the mind is focusing its attention at all. Thus it is impossible to be bored when practicing mediation because focused attention is imperative to the exercise. Perhaps this is why mediation helps alleviate depression, as it disables the quickest pathway to discontent: inattention (ie: boredom).

In realizing just how powerful boredom is, I have grown more aware of when it begins to creep up. This is certainly still a work in progress, as I sometimes find myself at the mercy of its firm grasp. It helps to look at this phenomenon from an evolutionary perspective. When humans existed as hunters and gatherers, their primary motive for the majority of their actions was the need to survive. Their minds were thus always occupied with thoughts intended to optimize survival. Food availability and reproduction were the most important things one could think about. However, as humans have evolved over time, survival has become incredibly easier. We no longer have to worry about the availability of food, and reproduction has now gone in the opposite direction as there are too many people on Earth. The human mind no longer needs to constantly think about what our ancestors thought about. This created more space, but instead of taking advantage of such space, boredom evolved with us.

The good news is that by simply noticing the fact that we are bored, we take away its power and eliminate it altogether. It is time that humans occupy this relatively new abundance of mental space with things that bring us joy. This will be different for everyone and can include things such as art, music, movies, books, science, math, nature, physical activity, meditation, language, travel, community service, and more. There is so much in this world with which we can occupy the space in our minds. How blessed we are to have such an abundance of options! In simply realizing this fact, we have taken the first step towards defeating boredom, and as a result unhappiness, once and for all.

There seems to be a modern obsession with numbers.

Numbers are often utilized as the currency by which one’s “worth” is determined. The number on a scale, the percentage received on a test, the number of AP classes one signs up for, an SAT/ACT score, the number of calories consumed in a day, clothing size, yearly income, the number of social media followers, the number of likes on a photo, and college acceptance rates are but a few examples of how numbers are used to establish esteemed social standing and acceptance.

The problem is that, in total alignment with the laws of mathematics, numbers constantly fluctuate. This phenomenon is absolutely guaranteed. If numbers are our only source of self and social acceptance, we are destined to be disappointed due to the natural lack of continuity.  This involves depending solely on external forces over which we have no control.

It is quite evident that such a way of living is a recipe for disaster. We cannot control the ever-fluctuating world of numbers, but we can control our inner feelings–our inner sense of worth. This can remain constant. Rather than searching for love through numbers and social acceptance, it is more rational (and fulfilling) to begin searching within oneself. As cliché as this may sound, I have found that all of the qualms of life are far more easier to deal with when one possesses a strong and loving personal foundation. I definitely have lacked such a foundation, but reason has been a life saver in that it has aided me in realizing the destructive nature of some of my personal habits. Rather than finding gratification in external sources (grades, weight, calories, size), one must turn to internal sources.

Please think about your character traits, your interests, your positive habits, your beautiful talents, your curiosity or passion for learning. Recognize the beauty in simply being alive. Your body allows you to move, feel, taste, and love. Your brain is capable of storing memories–both happy and sad–while also allowing you to learn in a world of infinite learning opportunities. Think of how complex your endocrine system is, or how your muscular-skeletal system collaborates to gift you with a dynamic life. Please don’t forget how miraculous you are. Your complexity is truly astounding, but your unique personality and character are far more flabbergasting (in the best way possible of course).

Things such as the above should be our primary source of self-worth. When we pause to really consider the miracle that is human life, we can realize that the numbers everyone cares so much about are actually rather trivial. While numbers themselves are truly beautiful (being the nerd that I am, I LOVE math), they are NOT beautiful when used to develop inconsistent and irrational factors for determining a human’s intrinsic value.

Recognize the beauty in simply being YOU. That is a far more accurate indicator of value–true, meaningful value–than any number society has arbitrarily deemed as “ideal”.